fragile thing

I'm down down and feel like so sad being scold as a stupid. Sometimes, I just sick when my brother scold me as a stupid and the other 'stupid' words in Indonesian which I felt they are too rude to be said. I tried to not to cry because I know I'm such a fragile and easily become sad. but I always fail.


It's not such a first time he scold me. but yeah like often when I did something wrong. I know that he is not an evil brother, but I just don't like his attitude and scold 'stupid'. I just want him to know that everybody has feelings. they can feel sad about his words.


do you know about the experiment between good and bad words which sticked on the food? I remembered that experiment when somebody sticked good words and bad words in each food. As a result, the food with the good words still in good condition, however the food with the bad words become rotten and cannot be eaten. It means that praises can make people happy and be good in the future? When I knew about this kind f experiment, I felt like my parents should support and praise me even when I down, not scold me as all of them were my faults. well, I just believe those would happen in TV drama. 


But sometimes, I also think that praises might cause you too happy and you wouldn't survive if you faced such a big problem. and when somebody scold you, it makes you to do a lot better and you wouldn't dare to repeat the same mistakes.


Honestly, I don't like being scolded as stupid creature. I try to smile but always failing with tears. because I remembered Buddha's teaching about karma. If something bad or good happened to me, it means that's the result of my good or bad acts. and He always encouraged to not being angry if something bad happened to us, however keep smile that our bad karma has bloomed and we have to do good things again so we could receive the good result too. What you plant, those will be yours.


Yeah...I was scolded as a stupid again today. I feel sad. But, I've to practice more so I won't sad easily in the future but just happy that my bad karma has bloomed and blew away. I think I really need meditating to calm my feelings and thinkings. considering to my assignments? Oh ow!


So glad that I feel relieved after I write this blog. It's better than throw away my furnitures, haha.


alright, continue to my study.


benkyou benkyou! (study study!)

20 years and Girl's things

'My name is Metta. 20 years old. still ask my mom whether I could spend $20 for shopping'

That sentence was in my mind when I wanted to shop online. Before I started click 'BUY' button, I sent my mom a text message to her Singapore cellphone number as she is in Singapore right now. I asked her whether I could spend $20 for shopping. And she replied it really quick in 2 words which were 'That's Fine'. I was really happy.


For you, maybe I looked really childish girl who still cannot decide which is good or bad. what need to do or not to do. well....H*LL yeah! I'm not really good in deciding anything as my zodiac sign, which is Libra, loves the term of balance. and sometimes it bothers me a lot. 


I was staying in my friend's. she is younger than me but she is more stylish than me. I just love T-shirt with my jeans, on the other hand, she love to wear skirts, flower shirts, tank tops, etc. She told me to change my styles and be more stylish as the matter of fact boys really looked girl's appearance first rather than their attitude. and she emphasised that impression is important. 


Those words made me to think think and think. yeah, she's right. I'm not teens anymore. I have to dressed up and do make up which I realised that's the hardest part for me as I just remembered lipstick, foundation and blush on. I know mascara but I don't know how to use it. I'm really need help desperately.


I always do what my mom said (sometimes). when she told me not to do make up often, yeah I agree with her. I do what she said. you can see my desk now. I just have powder which useful to protect my skin from heat. and I just used it when Melbourne starts to burn. she also add that if I put make up too often, I wouldn't be a 'WOW' bride when I get married. because everybody have seen me with make up. also, I'm not confident with make up. because when I looked at the mirror after I put my make up. there are some words were flying in  my mind, 'Is that me? I looked weird' haha.


The other reasons why I didn't shop a lot because I don't have a job which lead me to have no money at all. All of my savings are belongs to my parents, that's why I asked my parents first before I started to buy something or afford anything, except for food. They let me to spend money for food, but no for shopping. maybe that's why God is not allowed me to have a job yet as I could spend a lot for shopping. 


I used to have a job and I was happy to the max. There are TONY BIANCO's shoes were flying in front of my eyes. Bags. Skirts. Make Ups. but then, my boss sold her business. poor me. I loose my job because I was still on trainee and the new owner perhaps might not to hire me which lead me to this moment. need a job desperately. and my online application always replied with 'Your Application is Unsuccessful'.


But, just for let you know, I have a plan to spend my first salary to buy a present for my mom. I've saved it and I've planned this since I got my first job.


I hope I could got a job so I could help my parents save more money for my education as the AUD rates is really high nowadays which made me really shock and wanted to have a job.


Thank's for reading.


by the way, happy easter everyone :D